Is Disney, a company that has tried to normalize pants-less ducks, using colorfully animated wokeness to destroy America? According to Fox News, yes.
Wake up, fellow Americans, and join me in fearing the greatest existential threat of our lifetimes: The Walt Disney Co.
That’s right, the same company that for decades has tried to normalize pants-less ducks is now – according to Fox News, my go-to source for things to feel irrationally angry about – attempting to use unabashed, colorfully animated wokeness to destroy American morality.
It all started when Disney caved to the radical leftist woke warriors and called for a repeal of Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis’ Parental Rights in Education law. Opponents of the bill DeSantis recently signed into law called it the “don’t say gay bill” just because it makes teachers afraid to use the word “gay” around students.
But we all know it’s a perfectly reasonable measure aimed at helping parents pretend LBGTQ people don’t exist. (It’s similar to the United Kingdom’s Victorian-era Neener-Neener-Neener-Neener Act, which barred people from acknowledging the existence of sex.)
All who disagree are pedophiles?
DeSantis and others on the right have treated dissenting voices with respect, only mildly accusing anyone who opposes the law of being a pedophile. Not surprisingly, Woke Disney got the same treatment, as evidenced by the following reasonable comments made by actual human Republican lawmakers and reported by Fox.
Rep. Jody Hice of Georgia said: “The radical left will stop at nothing to indoctrinate America’s children with their woke ideology. Corporations like Disney should listen to parents and reject the left’s disturbing obsession with sexualizing our children.”
Rep. Bob Good of Virginia said: “Far-left radicals are working to infiltrate and control every corner of our lives. After taking over Disney’s corporate boardroom, their woke agenda is now being strategically woven into our children’s entertainment.”
House Freedom Caucus Chairman Rep. Scott Perry of Pennsylvania said in a statement: “Disney’s opposition to a common-sense parental rights law exposes its disturbing effort to push the radical left’s toxic ‘woke’ agenda on our country’s most vulnerable, our young children.”
Shoot your Mickey Mouse Club card
If all that doesn’t make you want to post a TikTok video of yourself shooting your Mickey Mouse Club membership card with a Ruger AR-556 rifle, I don’t know what will.
And quicker than you can say “Let’s burn all the ‘Frozen’ plush dolls we have in the house,” Fox News host Laura Ingraham made me believe the thing I’ve been told is horrible is even more horrible than I had allowed myself to be told to believe.
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Discussing Disney’s left-wing attempts to be inclusive and sensitive to the fact that differences should be celebrated, Ingraham described the dangers of decency.
“Well now it’s all about pushing a sexual agenda on little children across their entertainment platforms,” she said. “Now this isn’t programming, this is propaganda for grooming.”
To say I’m disappointed in Pluto is a dramatic understatement.
A recent headline on The Federalist’s website read: “Disney Executives Admit: Of Course We’re Grooming Your Children.”
That claim is as shocking as me believing that claim despite a complete lack of evidence that it is in any way true.
Time to de-woke Disney movies
Clearly, the correct course of action here is the traditionally conservative free-market approach of having politicians threaten a company with regulations because they don’t like the company’s stance on a political issue. (It’s important while doing the threatening to also yell about the tyranny of “cancel culture.”)
DeSantis and other GOP lawmakers in Florida are sensibly telling Disney officials they will strip the company of the long-held governing authority it has over its own land if the officials don’t stop pushing back against the Parental Rights in Education law.
But I think Disney needs to do more. I want the company fully de-woked, and that will require changing its more nefarious films.
For example, the movie “Bambi” made my 6-year-old nephew think there’s something bad about shooting a family of deer. I demand a remake in which the titular character ends up mounted on a wall in a hunter’s lodge, as nature intended.
Thanks to the film “101 Dalmatians,” my son Tommy now thinks it’s wrong to wear the Dalmatian-fur coat he got for Christmas. I want a new, pro-dog-fur-coat version of the movie that better reflects our American values.
‘Lion King’ and a stolen election
“The Lion King” should be given an immediate patriotic remake that shows Scar enlisting the Proud Boys to repel Simba while claiming the Pride Rock election was rigged. With the help of a pillow-making jackass, Scar will insist he is the rightful heir to Mufasa’s throne.
“Finding Nemo” needs a reboot that removes the harsh anti-fishing rhetoric of the original.
The Marvel film “Black Panther” makes me feel uncomfortable. I demand a new version that’s just titled “Panther.” Clint Eastwood could star.
And finally, the woke-propaganda-laden Disney film “Encanto” should be remade as an all-English film titled “Charm.” Instead of focusing on the Madrigal family, it will be about an American family, the Mathers, who live in a magical world where everyone is straight, no one has ever heard of the term “gender identity,” hypocrisy doesn’t exist and everyone is terrified of everything all the time.
Just like the good ol’ days, before Disney came along and ruined America.